The Disabled and Courageous Living

Years ago, during a conversation about my speech problem, a friend of mine said something that I will never forget. She told me, “I think you’re one of the most courageous people I know.” I was completely flabbergasted. I responded, “I’ve never viewed myself that way. I just did what I had to do to make my life work.” Then she added, “But Iris, I find it remarkable that you never let your speech problem stop you from following your dreams. You never gave up.”

I have thought about my friend’s words many times. And, since I’ve been speech disabled for most of my life, some related questions have repeatedly come up.

I’ve asked if I just happen to be someone who was born with a “never give up” spirit or did I develop it because of my speech problem? My answer is yes to both parts of this question. I was born with a relentless spirit that said, “If you tell me I can’t do something, then I’ll prove that I can.” Unfortunately, this worked against me regarding my speech problem. As hard as I tried, I could never speak fluently because (as I learned late in life after my diagnosis) it is something of a physical nature that I can’t control. However, this same spirit fueled my pursuit of almost everything else, and having a speech problem fueled it even more.

I’ve also asked myself if a disability gets the best of some people and keeps them from pursuing their dreams. Again, my answer is yes. There certainly are people who don’t have my spirit, and any kind of hardship may negatively change their life. However, I think most people, disabled or not, are like me.

When I was struck with the inability to speak as a pre-teen, I felt very weak and lost. Whatever was to happen, though, I made a decision to live life and not be afraid of it. For the almost forty years that I was undiagnosed, this was very hard. Yet, over time I gained a little more strength and it just kept building. I have always tried to live by my decision to face life, whatever the circumstances. And, in this regard, I know I’m not alone.

Everyday each of us might have to choose whether or not to live according to what we believe is morally correct. We often have to make decisions based on our values and act upon them, no matter what. For instance, if things don’t go our way, can we still be loving, respectful and kind? I think this is what truly takes courage. It is true for a nurse, or a cancer patient, or a teacher, or anyone who gets up every morning to go to work in order to feed their family. It is true for me and everyone else. So, although I know that having a disability isn’t for sissies, neither is the act of living.

In the course of my lifetime I have known many people whose lives were filled with hardship, or changed by an accident or illness. It has happened to people from all walks of life at almost every age. Some people I know have had to battle an illness for a long time, or suddenly adapt to living in a wheelchair. However, like me, they never gave up. For instance, I have a young friend who is battling cancer but you would never know it. She always looks her best, greets everyone with a smile, and goes about what she has to do without any complaints. I find her awe-inspiring, but I know that she is one of many. Like her, each of us must determine whether or not to be courageous and do our best with what we have. She and others like her are my heroes. Without even knowing it, I probably pass by many “heroes” on the street everyday.

When I think of living courageously, I am reminded of a nautical concept called “the ninth wave.” At sea, waves grow larger in a series, up to the ninth or largest wave. Although winds can alter the strength and pattern of waves at any given moment, the ninth wave develops from the smallest little movement in the ocean to the biggest. Similarly, when we embrace the twists and turns that life throws us, we can grow stronger and become like the ninth wave. I don't think it takes much. All we need to do is stay open, keep moving forward on our path, and welcome every little wind that pushes us along the way.